Sleuth
by Amelie Nockturne
Summary: From their first meeting, Alfons knew that Edward Elric was a mystery. And, in the name of science, he was determined to figure the foreigner out. A collection of Ed and Al-Heidrich oneshots.
1. Chapter 1

By just working with the University, Alfons figured he had already met a lifetime's worth of strange people. Scientists weren't exactly known for their explicit normality, especially his comrades in the rocketry and aerospace department. It wasn't uncommon to see men come in with two different socks or their shirts lopsided due to skipping a button somewhere along the way; they had far more pressing matters on their minds.

But Edward Elric, was, by far, the strangest of the strange. It seemed like everything the new scientist did just created more questions and confusion for his coworkers. And, as his best friend (if you could really call it that), Alfons was determined to figure him out.

* * *

He had come in early that morning- true to his "mad science" nature, he'd been struck in the middle of the night with an idea about how to get enough power in the boosters to overcome friction as well as Earth's gravitational field, all without causing the entire rocket to self-combust, and he couldn't wait to test out this latest theory.

Alfons was so caught up in his calculations, in fact, that he missed the sound of the door creaking open and shutting heavily.

"Ah, mister Al-Alphonse Heidrich?" Alfons definitely hadn't heard that vioce before- he'd have remembered such a heavy foreign accent. And he would've already corrected the pronunciation of his name- this man had sounded it out like "Alfonze Haydrich" (the "rich" pronounced like the synonym for "wealthy"). He looked up and locked eyes with the strangest man he'd ever seen at the University- and that was really saying something.

He looked exactly like the history professor Alfons had met a few times... Honnen... Hostenstein.. no, Hoenheim. That is, if Professor Hoenheim was de-aged to about Alfons's own age. The same long gold ponytail and matching gold eyes, though the newcomer had heavy bangs as opposed to the Prof.'s thick beard.

At the moment, Mr. Hoenheim-Junior was staring directly back at Alfons, eyes as big as plates and mouth slightly agape.

"Alphonse- Al?!" All traces of formality were gone, replaced by utter shock and... sadness?

"Erm, can I help you, Mr...?" Of all things, this reaction was definitely not one Alfons had been expecting. "And, just for the record, it's Alfons. Alfons Heidrich." He stood up and offered his hand to the still flabberghasted stranger.

"Oh, uh, I'm Edward Elric. Sorry- you look just like someone..." Edward shook his head as if trying to wake up from an unpleasant dream, taking Alfons's hand and shaking somewhat limply. He made no move to finish his sentence.

"Well, nice to meet you. Excuse me for being rude, but is there a reason why you're here?" It took Edward a few seconds to process the question before he began to dig through his coat.

"Yes, I was sent by Professor Neumayer-" another name horribly botched by the accent "- to... what's the word... meet you, I guess. I am joining your team today, and he is not here. I have a note from him somewhere..."

It took Edward a moment to find the piece of paper as he dug through a variety of pockets in his pants, vest, and brown trench coat. He eventually handed Alfons the scrap, now a bit crumpled and torn.

_Mr. Heidrich,_

_This is Edward Elric- he will be joining your research team today, and because you are closest to him in age, I am sure you will be wonderful at "showing him the ropes", so to speak. _

_He is the son of Professor Hoenheim, a good friend of mine, and although he comes from far away and has a slight language barrier, I assure you that he is an extremely bright mind with lots of new ideas. I am sure he will make a _wunderbar_ addition to your team._

_Regards,  
Professor Neumayer_

So he was Hoenheim's son after all- that definitely explained things (although he wasn't going to ask why they had different last names, or why Hoenheim was German while Edward definitely was not). Alfons looked back up at Edward, who was glancing around the lab curiously, muttering a little under his breath.

"Well, Edward-"

"Call me Ed."

"Okay, Ed, then. Welcome to the team. No one else is here yet, but when the head gets here, I'll introduce you."

Ed nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

"It says here that you're Professor Hoenheim's son, right? I know he doesn't teach here, but I've met him before." Ed scowled visibly.

"Yeah, unfortunately so." Okay... time to switch topics.

"And you aren't from here, either. I can't place you accent, but..."

"It's Amest- um, American."

"Oh, neat. I've never been to America." Ed snorted as if laughing at an inside joke. Alfons just barely heard him mutter the reply under his breath.

"Makes two of us." But he must have just been hearing things, right? After all, it was early, and Alfons hadn't had any coffee yet.

"So, what's your major here?" he asked.

Ed looked perplexed. "My major? I'm here for rocketry, no?" Alfons had forgotten the language issue.

"Well yeah, but what field of rocketry are you into? For instance, I'm in physics- friction, gravity and the like." Ed seemed to understand now.

"Chemistry- that's the word, right? Studying the chemical breakdown of matter."

"Right. And that's good- our last chemistry guy moved to Stuttgart a few months ago."

"That's why I'm here," Ed replied.

They made small talk for a bit longer- Alfons learned a little more about the strange new scientist:

Ed was eighteen (only a year older than Alfons, yet Ed was still considerably, for lack of a better word, smaller...), and was extremely, _extremely_ sensitive about his height- no more jokes on that matter, Alfons decided.

He had only been in Germany for a few months and had been living with his father until recently, his mother died when he was very young, and while he had a brother and some others close to him, he didn't have any other family "over here" (Alfons couldn't tell whether that was a language mistake- maybe a reference to across the ocean from America- or an intentional wording, but he decided to not press the matter upon hearing Ed's tone of voice).

Finally, while he knew practically everything there is to know about chemisty- he had been studying since he for four, for God's sakes!- his physics knowledge was little to none.

Alfons couldn't help but laugh at the last one. "Don't worry- I didn't know anything about chemistry in regards to rocketry before I came here, but you catch on really fast." Ed managed a small grin that didn't really meet his eyes. He was obviously still a little distracted from the previous conversation- probably the talk of his family. Alfons didn't blame him. They were interrupted by loud church bells signalling the change in hour.

"So it's seven- you aren't required to be here until eight, but most of the men should be here around thirty minutes from now. In the meantime, do you want any coffee? I can never really wake up without it." One of the downsides of getting up so early every day and staying up so late every night was the development of Alfons's fierce coffee addiction. Ed laughed a little.

"Same here. I'll go with you- but s that work over there finished already?" Ed gestured to the half-completed blueprint that Alfons had been so eager about earlier. For some reason, this new guy seemed a lot more interesting.

"I can do it later. You coming with? The university makes some of the crappiest coffee in Germany, but caffeine is caffeine, I suppose."

"Just no milk in it," Ed said with dead seriousness as Alfons opened the heavy lab door once again.

**Okay, I watched the Conqueror of Shamballa movie not to long ago (spoliers!)... and am obsessed with Ed and Al-Heidrich. I don't ship them (just friendship/brotherhood), but this has been on my mind for a while. Should eventually turn into a collection of oneshots, though I won't be updating very often... enjoy!**

**Also: I refuse to admit that Alfons Heidrich died. There may be some oneshots with both Alphonse and Alfons, so deal with it. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading! I am always looking for suggestions and constructive criticism!**

"Dammit!" The thin walls of their shared apartment did nothing to muffle the exasperated curses coming from the bathroom. By now, Alfons was used to it; he didn't even look up from reading the morning paper, only sighing and wondering what the hell his roommate could be throwing a temper tantrum about this time.

There were a few more bangs and crashes, and just as he was about to turn to the Economy section, Al heard the distinctive sound of a door slam and Edward's footsteps growing ever-louder as he tramped over to the breakfast table.

"G'morning." Al didn't bother to ask anymore.

"Yeah," was Ed's only reply, followed by a streak of curses muttered under his breath. Was it worth trying, just this once? Alfons mentally rolled his eyes, coming to a decision.

"Uh, something happen to you just a sec ago?" He received only a grunt in reply. Alfons looked up, more bemused than concerned (the same thing had happened a few weeks ago when Al had forgotten Ed's orange juice and brought home only milk from the grocery… though that had been more of an outright temper tantrum than moody grumbling). He immediately wished he hadn't.

"Uh, Ed...?" Al had to swallow his snicker as his roommate whirled around, golden eyes already blazing.

"Don't. Even. Start." Ed's voice was dangerously quiet, the words given through tightly clenched teeth.

"Do you need my help?"

"No."

"Should I get some scissors or something?"

"Hell no!"

"At least let me help-"

"I said I'm fine, 'kay? Now shuttup- did you put the coffee on?"

Al knew it would be hopeless to argue at this point. He gestured to the coffeepot on the stove and the jar of sugar beside it (whereas Al liked to mix some sugar into his coffee, it seemed like Ed preferred to mix a little coffee in with his mug of sugar).

It was actually kind of odd to see Ed like this. When he was at the University, he was all business- semi-formal clothing, clipped tone (though the constant cursing and sarcasm had yet to be improved), and hair puled back into a long ponytail. Even at home, his hair was pulled back.

Alfons had asked him why, if he never let it down, he kept it so long in the first place. Ed had never responded. Hell, they were roommates and Al had never seen it down unless it was in the process of being pulled back up.

Right now, though, was a different story altogether. Alfons could understand Ed's unwillingness to not reign in what could only be described as a mane.

It was longer than Alfons had assumed, straight with jagged ends. There was only a small splotch of black in the middle of the sea of gold.

"You know, you can't go into work later today with your ribbon stuck in your hair like that. How did you even-"

"It's not a ribbon, dammit! It's a ponytail holder, and it just got... tangled." Ed took a long, angry sip of his so-called coffee before sticking his tongue out and almost spitting, as if there was invisible dirt on it that he needed to get off.

"Damn! Freaking hair in my coffee, goddamn hair ribbon..." He slammed the mug back on the table before stomping back to the bathroom. The hinges rattled with the power of his slam.

Alfons coldn't help but shake his head. Now that _that_ was over with... he turned back to his largely forgotten newspaper, pretending like he couldn't hear Ed's angry shouts and curses in the background.

Just another average day- oh look, the stock market had risen again...

**I would love some suggestions- both on how I could improve this and for other oneshots I could write. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

BANG! BANG! BANG! Alfons hurriedly ran a comb through his still-damp hair, checking one last time in the mirror to make sure his shirt was clean and his tie was straight.

"And you say I take a long time to primp. Get out here, Alfons! Unless you want me cooking tonight... and I don't know if the emergency room would be able to cure indigestion that serious." Leave it to Ed to use food as a last resort. Well, if he didn't look at least halfway decent by now, he wasn't going to improve anytime soon.

"Coming! Don't go near that stove!" Ed barked out a laugh, definitely in agreement.

"Don't worry. I dunno how you even turn the thing on." Alfons exited to see Edward, standing impatiently outside the bathroom door expectantly. He saw Alfons's outfit and grinned.

"Damn, where the hell are you headed tonight?" Alfons's face reddened.

"Um, actually, I met a girl-" Ed's eyes widened and the cringingly familiar smirk set itself onto his face.

"You dog! I didn't actually think you could do it... Alfons's grown up and got himself a date! HA!"

"Hey- I don't see you going out every night, Mr. Ladies' Man." Ed's face darkened.

"Yeah, yeah. So, how'd you meet her in the first place?" Alfons grinned in spite of himself.

"One of her relatives works at the University I went to before I moved here- I met her a while ago, when she was trying to convince the Headmaster to let her apply. Didn't work, of course; women aren't scientists, you know that-"

"I wouldn't say that for sure," Ed interrupted, but Alfons continued on anyway.

"Anyhow, I ran into her a few days ago- turns out she's visiting someone here for the week. Actually, she's going to be here in twenty minutes or so, and then we will go out to dinner. I believe Ms. Gracia has leftovers from last night, so don't complain about starving. And can you at least try to be friendly, as a favor to me? Just this once?" Asking Ed to act social was like telling a German Shepherd to put on a pink bow and be toted around in a women's handbag, but it was worth a shot.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Does this mean I have to change clothes?"

* * *

Alfons was just about to set the final dish on the table when there was a polite knock on the door.

"Hey, Ed, can you let her in for me? I just have to find my other shoe..." Ed, who was currently lounged out over the expanse of the sofa and reading a book on advanced Physics, didn't even bother to look up. Alfons was pretty sure the house could catch on fire and Edward wouldn't notice.

"Fine, thanks for the help." He rolled his eyes, ran his fingers through his hair one last time, and opened the door with a smile.

She had gotten so pretty- long blonde hair and sky blue eyes- and, as a bonus, she was even wearing a dress with her hair down. Alfons was pretty sure he had never seen her without her hair tied back and wearing mens' trousers.

"Hello, Alfons. Thank you for taking me out tonight."

"Pleasure is mine. Here, come inside." He noted dryly that Edward had yet to relinquish his roost on the couch.

"Um, Ed, this is the girl I was telling you about. Can you move so she can sit down, please?" Edward sighed and sat upright, all without taking his eyes off of the text.

"Edward is my roommate, and we're on the same research team at the University," Al explained. "Please forgive his lack of social skills."

"It's no problem- nice to meet you though, Edward." As if struck by lightning, Ed's eyes widened and he visibly twitched. The book he was reading dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.

He slowly turned to face Alfons and his date. Ed paled, his eyes growing wider than Alfons thought was possible. He started to tremble- it looked as if he was about to be sick. Alfons cleared his throat, wondering just what had been in Ed's coffee this morning.

"Um, Ed, you okay?" No response. "Well, let me introduce you two. Edward, I'd like you to meet my date, Miss Winfried Rosenbell."

Winfried extended her hand with a smile. "Please, call me Winny."

**Should I continue this? Let me know- I would love feedback! The next oneshot I post will be much longer, I promise. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am going to continue the one with 'Winny', but I really like this one... the continuation will probably be next! I love suggestions for oneshots as well. Thanks for reading, and for the awesome reviews I've received :)**

**This was literally written a sentence or two at a time... so many bits and pieces. I hope it sounds okay- please tell me what you think!**

"Ed? Edward, dinner's on the table. It's going to get cold... Ed, where the hell are you?" It shouldn't have been that hard to find him in such a small apartment, and Al was starting to get nervous. Last time Ed had disappeared, it had taken a good three hours before the foreigner returned.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a sec. Go ahead and eat without me." Ed's voice, coming from behind the closed door to his bedroom, sounded strained.

"Um, are you okay in there?" What an awkward way to say such a thing. Ed made a noise that Alfons figured was supposed to pass for a laugh.

"No big, I just need to take care of somethi- GAH!" Edward cut himself off, the loud groan of pain easy to hear through the walls. No way he was okay in there.

"Edward, what's going on? Are you sure you're okay?" Alfons pounded on the door. No reply. "Ed, what the hell are you doing in there?!"

"I'm... fine... just go eat dinner..." Edward was obviously breathing heavily.

"You're obviously not fine, Ed. If you're too much of an ass to let me help you, then I'm coming in for myself."

"No! I'm fine, honest. Just... go away..." Edward sounded surprisingly bitter. Alfons took a deep breath. Who knows what the hell he could be doing in there? But he was going to help his friend.

The lock on the door was surprisingly easy to break (he was definitely going to regret that later; it couldn't be cheap to replace...), and Alfons entered the small, dark bedroom with ease. Ed shot his fiercest glare, sharper than knives. Alfons pretended like it didn't faze him.

A small lamp served as the room's only source of light, and it took Alfons a moment for his eyes to adjust. He could see Ed, sitting on his bed, an opened trunk laying next to him.

"Ed, what's-"

"Can you just get the hell out of here? I don't have time for this!" Ed exclaimed.

He was a scientist, dammit, curiosity was supposed to be a _good_ thing for him. Alfons knew deep down that he would probably regret this, but he couldn't just back off now.

"Edward, I'm not going away until you tell me what the hell it is exactly that you're doing."

"Just leave, okay? Please, Alfons?" Ed didn't normally show any emotion besides pissiness or anger; this pleading threw Alfons a little off guard. His eyes shifted to meet what could only be described as a puppy-dog face.

He realized too late. Ed seized the opportunity and shoved Alfons out the door, which was quickly slammed with a flourish.

"Stay. The hell. OUT!" Alfons debated ways to pick himself up off of the floor while still maintaining some shred of dignity. He was pretty sure his right shoulder was going to be bruised from the shove.

...

Wait. Right?

_Only _right?

Alfons had made the mistake not too long ago of agreeing to spar with Edward (note for future reference: never again). He'd been kicked, shoved, and pushed down too many times to count.

But he was always, _always_, pushed with both hands. Something was definitely not right.

Ignoring the knot that reality was tying in his stomach, Alfons knocked on the bedroom door again; friendlier, less demandingly.

"What?" Ed sounded more tired than angry, now. Obviously he was burned out.

"Edward." The rest of the sentence didn't need to be finished. The responding sigh could be heard through the door.

The handle slowly turned.

* * *

Edward looked deflated, slumped on his bed with his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest... or more accurately, _arm_, seeing as the other sleeve hung limp and loose from where it connected with Ed's shirt. Alfons couldn't help but stare as he took in the sight.

In all the time he'd known Ed, how could he have missed something so major? So crucial? Moreover, how the hell did Edward even-

"You just going to stand there staring all day?" Edward may have looked vulnerable, but his mind and his tongue were as sharp as ever.

"N-no, of course not. But Ed..."

"Don't pity me! It was my fault, my reminder of a mistake I made." Edward trailed off, his eyes clouding like they did sometimes when he thought no one would notice.

"A... mistake?" Alfons doubted that Ed could've done something truly that bad. After all, his roommate was a real softie at heart (Alfons had been working for weeks on resisting that look when Ed saw a kitten in the rain).

"Yeah." He definitely didn't sound like he wanted to elaborate. "You said something about dinner, right? Go eat- I'll do this... and then I'll come out." He had definitely mumbled something under his breath, but Alfons hadn't heard it clearly.

"Do you need help with something?"

"Nah, I'm okay. Been doing this every month for a while now, ever since, um." He didn't even attempt to finish the sentence. That was the final straw.

"Edward, I swear to God that if you don't tell me exactly how the hell this happened and why the hell you've been hiding this from me..." Ed's eyes held more emotion than Alfons had seen the young man display in the entire time they'd shared an apartment.

Time stood still for a heartbeat, then two, then three.

Ed sighed.

"No way in hell you're ever going to believe this."


	5. Chapter 5

"Um-uh-ummm... nice to meet you, Winr-Winny," Ed pulled a smile so fake that Alfons was sure Winny could tell. The girl in question shot Alfons an alarmed glance; of course, he'd told her about the eccentricity that was Edward Elric, but she surely hadn't been prepared for this.

Then again, Alfons wasn't, either. Why the hell was Edward acting this way? He had that skittish look about him that graced his face every time he saw Ms. Gracia, and though he had certainly gotten better at concealing it, Alfons himself had recieved a good number of those stares.

"Erm, I heard you work with Alfons, right?"

"Yeah... um, I should go, uh..." He stood abruptly, walking away.

"What? Where are your _manners_?!" Winny stood, angrier and far less composed than she'd been just a moment earlier. She stood as well, gripping her handbag with a wicked glint in her eye.

_WHACK!_

Ed spun around, hand already grippping his throbbing head. Winny's handbag lay on the floor not far from where he now stood. As usual, deadly aim on Winny's part; a memory Alfons recalled not-so-fondly from his childhood friendship with the girl.

"What the hell!?"

"You get back here right now, Edward Elric, and remember your manners! Antisocial freak!" Ed's eyes were wide; Alfons, on the other hand, was wondering what in the world had influenced him to introduce these two in the first place.

"Don't tell me what to do, Gearhead!" Winny blinked, confused.

"Gearhead?" Edward's eyes widened guiltily.

"It's nothing, sorry if I offended you. I should just go- enjoy your d-date, Alfons." He looked more sad than embarrassed now as he locked himself in his room, presumably for a sleepless night of reading.

Alfons couldn't help but feel sorry for Edward. He must've been lonely- there was just something about the foreigner that made others a little uneasy.

"Alfons, I'm sorry- I didn't mean to upset him," Winny cast a long glance at Edward's now-closed door.

"No, no, you're fine. He's just a bit... I don't know the right word, exactly."

"I understand," Winny smiled a bit. "You've definitely picked an interesting flatmate, Al."

"Yeah, that's for sure. Normally, he's not _that _antisocial, though... wonder what happened to him."

"Was it me? I'm so sorry if I offended him in any way-"

"Wasn't you. Don't blame yourself for everything." Edward had somehow silently opened his door and was leaning against the frame. Winny blushed.

"I apologize, Edward."

"Nothing to be sorry for. And it's Ed, by the way." A small smile- a real one this time.

"Then how about we start over, Ed?" Winny smiled again. Alfons could see the panic hidden behind Edward's eyes; the foreigner was trying hard to remain calm, that much was obvious. "Winny Rosenbell. Nice to meet you." He actually took her extended hand.

"Edward Elric. Ed. And it's nice to see-erm, meet you, too." The small smiles were enough; whatever had happened just a moment earlier, Alfons knew, had been forgotten between the two of them.

Casting a glance around the room, Winny's eyes widened as they landed on the clock.

"Oh, Alfons! Didn't you make reservations for eight?" The clock read about 7:50.

"Yeah, but it's fine if you want to-"

"No, no! I'm so sorry for wasting time. You obviously worked hard to set everything up tonight. I don't want to mess up your plans. It really was nice to meet you, though, Ed. Next time I'm in town, I'll be sure to stop by again!"

"I'd... um, yeah, I'd like that." The smile was slowly growing bigger. Alfons was silently glad for his and Winny's non-romantic relationship; they were practically siblings. But it seemed like she and Ed had definitely hit it off...

He pulled on his coat, as did Winny with hers, and they were out the door in a swift motion. Ed, who had slouched back on the couch, waved as they exited the apartment, not taking his eyes off the book he'd resumed.

"Bye, Alfons. Say hi to your grandma for me once you get home, Winr-Winny."

Winny's wide, confused eyes glanced back, if just for a moment, before she shook her head at herself and continued walking.

...

The door was already closed and locked before Alfons realized that he had never said anything in the slightest to his roommate about Winny's family, much less how she lived with her grandmother after her parents had died during the epidemic.

**Oops, accidentally spelled Winny's name wrong a few times (call it instinct) and had to go back and change it... Thanks for reading and for the reviews that encouraged me to type this up!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading and putting up with my ridiculous updating schedule! ****I dunno where the first section came from... just a random bit that flew off my fingers as I was typing.**

* * *

For the life of him, Alfons really could not figure out what exactly went on in the odd expanse that was Edward's brain. Though his roommate was old enough to technically be classified as a young adult (he was a year older than Alfons himself, even), he was still subject to mood swings like a teenager.

Alfons had a sneaking suspicion- not that he would ever bring it up- that Ed was just experiencing... what did they call it... post-trauma. Maybe it was the family he was always so tight-lipped about? Or the war? Maybe it was the reason he had left his home to come to Germany in the first place. Alfons sure as hell didn't know why, but you started to look for it, it was there.

It could be something small, like the way Alfons would occasionally receive a wide-eyed double take when Ed groggily walked in in the morning. It would be when Edward started to bring something up, but then abruptly switched the subject. Often times, it was the nights where Edward's screams could be heard through the walls; the product of nightmares that he refused to talk about.

Names that Alfons didn't know, places he was pretty sure didn't exist, strange words that sounded nothing like German or even the English Alfons had been looking into a bit. It didn't add up. There was something about his roommate that, if Alfons really thought about it, didn't strike him right.

Was he an American spy, like so many of the others at the lab were starting to whisper? Was Ed really lying to the only friend he seemed to have in this country?

Alfons doesn't think so. But there are times where he isn't so sure...

* * *

It's the times where Ed is totally out of it that are the most unnerving. Last week, they'd been invited to the University of Hamburg to speak about new advances in aerospace technology- a huge honor, especially considering the fact that neither of them was even twenty years old yet, nor were they the heads or leaders of the team. Nonetheless, the dean of the university had requested the best physicist and chemist, so Ed and Alfons set out on a long weekend (a paid vacation! Alfons could barely contain his joy, and even Ed had a real smile on his face. They were even receiving free room and board in one of the unused dorms on campus).

The train to Hamburg was long, to say the least. It didn't help that Edward had pretty much passed out the moment they found a compartment ("Sorry- just an old habit, I guess."), leaving Alfons with nothing to do but check over the diagrams and his speech for the billionth time.

Not wanting to pay for a taxi (prices were even higher in Hamburg than in their own town!), they trudged with their suitcases to the main building of the university. Alfons knocked politely, and a grumpy-looking secretary opened the door.

"_Ja?_" Alfons decided not to comment on her politeness (or complete lack thereof).

"Um, good afternoon. My name is Alfons Heidrich, and this is Edward Elric. We're from the University of Berlin- we're giving a presentation tomorrow on aerospace technology, and-"

"_Ja, ja_. Follow me." She didn't bother to hold the door open for them.

"Hey! Get back here you-" Alfons shoved his hand over Ed's mouth, shooting an apologetic grin at the secretary. Eventually, they made their way into an uncomfortably warm, cramped office.

"Okay... Alfons Elric, you said?"

"N-no- Alfons _Heidrich_," Ed cut in a little to quickly. "Alphonse Elric isn't.. um." Alfons knew not to expect him to finish the sentence.

"Heidrich... Heidrich... wait." She looked back up at them, eyes magnified behind her spectacles. "Very funny, boys. I don't know who you really are, or what kind of a joke you're trying to pull, but it isn't funny. Get out of here before I report you."

"What?! What the hell are you-"

"Um, I think what he's _trying to say_-" Alfons shot a meaningful glance at Ed, who looked almost as mad as if someone had brought up the topic of height, "- is that there must be a mistake. We really are here- we were invited by the dean himself." She squinted her eyes and peered at them again.

"Don't play funny with me. Mr. Alfons Heidrich and Edward Elric arrived in Hamburg yesterday afternoon. I showed them to the guest dormitory myself."

Alfons let that sink in for a moment. Unless the secretary was horribly confused (and, as mean as she seemed to be, she appeared sane), two people were masquerading as Edward and himself? _This is just too weird. _He turned to Ed to discuss what they should do now. Get the dean? Try to persuade the secretary? Alfons cursed the fact that he'd left his identification badge for the lab back at home.

_Dear God, please don't let Edward flip his lid and punch the secretary with his crazy robot arm please please please... _

Edward began to laugh. Loudly.

"You're shitting me. I can't believe, even here- uh, where are the bastards?"

"Language, sir. And I don't think you'll be able to meet them. Unlike a certain duo of pranksters here, they are working hard in the auditorium, preparing for the talk on rocketry tomorrow afternoon." Alfons couldn't decide whether she looked more like a witch or a troll. Maybe a mix of both?

"But m'am, they're not the real presenters! We are!"

"Get it through your thick skull, lady." Ed was still recovering from his laughing fit.

The woman was obviously not going to budge.

"Ah, well. Okay, Alfons. Guess we'll leave. We almost had her. See ya!" Alfons was pulled out of the room until they were out of the university.

"Ed! Edward! What the hell do you think you're-" Ed turned around and Alfons could see the glint in his eye. _This can't be good..._

"Okay, do you know where the auditorium is? I think I saw a sign on the way in- let's go look."

... Why, in the presence of Edward, was Alfons never really able to say no?

* * *

"Okay, this looks like the place." Edward seemed unnervingly cheery, as if the two of them were part of some huge inside joke that only Ed knew about.

"Um, Edward, what are you going to say to them? We can't just barge in there and-"

The doors swung open with a heavy creak, and Edward strode in as if he owned the place, suitcase draped casually over his shoulder. Alfons followed reluctantly.

The two men on the stage didn't really look that much like Edward and Alfons- both had blonde hair the color of Alfons's own; the taller's was shorter and more cleanly cut, while the shorter's was longer and somewhat spiky. They turned to look at the intruders as Edward entered, Alfons following behind.

"Um, _hallo._" Alfons said with an awkward wave.

"Is there a reason you two are in here? My colleague and I have some important things to do before our-" The taller one obviously seemed in charge, sparing no formalities and cutting to the chase._  
_

"We were, ah, interested in your presentation. You two have come in from out of town, no?" Edward was an extremely good liar- whether this was a good or bad skill, Alfons reasoned, depended on whether you were the one being lied to or not.

"Well, the presentation isn't for a few days, so you will have to wait."

"No, I think you're getting the wrong message- we're reporters, and we wanted to interview you, Mr...?" God, this was probably the most polite Alfons had ever heard his roommate speak.

"Oh, ah, I am Alfons Heidrich. This is Edward Elric." He gestured to the shorter one, who nodded a greeting.

So they really were acting as identity thieves. Alfons shot a look at Edward as if to say 'we've got them now'.

Edward, on the other hand, seemed to have lost his composure entirely in a matter of seconds.

"What the _hell_?! You idioits over here can't do anything right! Edward is the _older_ one, dumbasses! And for the record, you're not even him. _I'm _Edward, and _this_ is Alfons! Why the hell-mphhhh" Alfons restrained Edward much in the same way one would a large, angry dog.

The two posers' eyes widened.

"... No, I'm Edward?" The short one spoke up finally, as if to give a final attempt to keep the ruse going. The actual Ed tore himself out of Alfons's grasp and strode up to the impostors, a forced-looking grin on his face.

"I think we both know at this point that you're lying. And if you leave now, no one else will be the wiser. But if I need to personally call up the dean back at the lab-" he didn't bother finishing his sentence. Both of their eyes widened.

"We didn't mean anything by it, honest. We'll leave right away," The short one said.

"The hell we will! You can't just stride in here like freaking bigshots and-"

"C'mon, brother. We should go." The tall one was led up the main aisle of the auditorium, though it appeared he wasn't giving much resistance anymore. The short one turned to face Ed and Alfons. "We're sorry if we caused you trouble. My brother was just looking for a way to become involved with the sciences department here after our father-" He was silenced by a look from the taller one. "We took things too far."

Alfons glanced at Edward, who seemed surprisingly calm, like he'd known this was the case all along.

"Not a problem. If you work hard enough, I'm sure you're smart enough to get in. I'll even drop your names to the head here after we present, alright?" Since when did Ed have a considerate bone in his body?

"Really? You'd do that?" Both of their eyes lit up.

"Really? We'd do that?" Alfons nudged Ed in the side and muttered under his breath. Ed nodded brightly.

"Yup, no big deal at all. Now get outta here before that toad of a secretary comes and gets you, okay?" They nodded as they made their way to the heavy wooden doors of the auditorium.

"Thank you so much! Goodbye!"

"Yeah, thanks. Maybe we'll see you around sometime." Even the older one seemed to have warmed up to Ed and Alfons.

Edward nodded absently with a small smile, his expression making it seem like his mind was somewhere else entirely. Alfons didn't doubt that for a second. At the last moment before the brothers disappeared into the hallways of the university, Ed seemed to snap back into reality.

"Nice seeing- erm, meeting you, Fletcher, Russell. I'll let the headmaster know to look out for the Tringham brothers." The brothers in question stopped. _Who? _It appeared as if Edward had pulled some random names out of his ass- the brothers had never given their real names.

"Um, Tringham? I think you're a bit confused. I'm Rupert _Trischler_, and this is my brother, Felix. Are the Tringham brothers someone else you know?"

"Hm? Oh- _oh... _uh..." Ed's eyes cleared for a second and he seemed to realize whatever it was he had said. He shook his head, mumbling a bit under his breath. The conversation he'd just been having didn't seem to register at all in his mind.

"Uh, I think he's just confused. German isn't his native language, y'see, and we've had a long day of traveling and all..." Alfons attempted to cover up for his friend, praying they'd just accept it and not ask too many questions. Felix and Rupert nodded a bit unsurely in reply.

"Well, ah, we'll be seeing you around, maybe, if you come back around again. We'll be off- nice meeting you, Alfons." With a curt nod and the creak of a door, they were gone.

"Um, Edward?" Alfons cautiously waved his hand in front of Ed's eyes.

"Al-fons?" He blinked a few times, looked around the auditorium again. "Where did they...?"

"They're gone- left just a second ago." Alfons's words finally seemed to click- recognition dawned in Ed's eyes.

"Shit- I really messed up, didn't I." He phrased it as if it wasn't even a question. Without looking back at Alfons, he picked up his previously discarded suitcase and made his way towards the door. "C'mon, Alfons. Let's go try and talk to toad-woman again." He smiled slightly, and a bit of a glimmer returned to his bright golden eyes.

Not daring to ask questions, Alfons smiled and nodded, grabbing his own luggage and making his way to the exit.

**Thanks for reading! Is Ed waay too OOC in this? I'd love to hear your feedback! Gracias!**


	7. Chapter 7

"Good morning, Edward."

"G'morning, Al- Alfons." Ed was obviously still half-asleep (how could he not be; he had still been up drawing plans when Alfons had gotten up for a glass of water at 4:06 in the morning!). He meandered around the kitchen, scavenging around in the cupboards for something suitable for breakfast (which, in terms of an average person, would be around two meals' worth). Seriously, how could he possibly be that hungry all the time? It was a good thing their salaries could support their eating habits, even if only barely doing so.

Alfons, on the other hand, was dressed and ready for the day; already seated at the table, he sipped at his coffee and thumbed through a new novel he'd picked up the other day. Lately, he hadn't had time for any pleasure reading, but someone at the university had recommended it and he was determined to make time to read it. He'd always loved fiction, and this story in particular was intriguing. The characters could channel magic through certain runes, and then use said magic to do anything! If only it were real- all the setbacks they were facing on the rocket design would be solved in a snap.

The newspaper on the table next to Alfons's half-eaten breakfast was already read- because Edward seemed to believe that his roommate was a premier news source, Alfons made it his business to keep up with the times. After all, one of them was going to have to do it.

Eventually, Edward plunked down in the other chair at the table, setting down a plate laden with a mix of last night's dinner leftovers, the pastries Ms. Gracia had made them (bless her heart, she seemed determined to feed them like they were her own children), and god-knows-what else he'd discovered lurking in the back of the icebox and pantry. Alfons would never have considered eating sausage and oranges in the same bite- maybe it was an American thing?

"So what time does the royal pain in the ass need us to be in the lab today?" Alfons had become quite adept at interpreting Ed's still-horribly-accented German even when his mouth was full- which was often. Edward and the man in charge when Professor Neumayer was out of town had taken a mutual and almost immediate disliking to each other. Unfortunately, they were at a sort of stalemate, as the man couldn't possibly fire the most prodigious and bright chemist on the team, and Edward lacked the status to change anything about the vice-command's role. To compensate for this, Ed never failed to seize an opportunity to make a sarcastic comment about his so-called "leader".

"We're off for the day, thank God." As much as Alfons liked his job, he also relished in the few-and-far-between days when he had time to relax. Ed "mph"ed in reply, showing his agreement.

"So what're you going to spend the day doing? Reading the stupid 'adventure novel' Bradens recommended?" His teasing tone was much easier to make out now that his mouth wasn't chock full of potatoes.

"You'd be surprised how good it is! It talks about a whole other world where you can create anything with these magic runes and-" Edward interrupted the summary with a loud scoff.

"Like that would ever happen."

"Just think how much easier it would make our lives, though. We'd never go hungry or have problems with the rocket or anything. Everyone'd live like kings!" Ed made a kind of disapproving noise in the back of his throat but said nothing. "Oh, come on, even you have to admit it would be nice." Alfons laughed lightly but stopped quickly when he saw Ed's expression. It appeared as if Ed was trying hard to not combust in "short rant"-scale rage.

"How is that fair, then?!" Edward burst out at last. "If you don't give anything and then get something in return… it's just- there's no equivalent exchange! None! The entire fundamental structure of the universe would be undermined by a force with no foreseeable flaw! Where would the food channeled through the transmutation cir- erm, ah, _rune, _I mean- come from, huh? If you just _bypassed _the entire underlying Truth…" he said the last word like it was a bitter taste in his mouth. He was about to continue the frenzied rant when Alfons cut him off.

"Edward, calm down. It's just a story! Magical abilities like that, though… God, I don't know about you, but I'd give an arm and a leg for that kind of power."

Edward's wooden chair screeched violently against the floor as it was jerked back. He stood abruptly, slamming his hands on the table hard enough to rattle the plates. He glared, sharp invisible knives jabbing repeatedly at Alfons, but said nothing.

Eons could've passed before either of them spoke, or even moved. Alfons was terrified. What had he said to set his roommate off like this?

Ed was still leaning into his hands when suddenly there was a faint creaking sound, and Edward collapsed onto the table, his face splattering directly into his plate of previously forgotten food. Alfons scrambled up to help him.

"Ed? Are you okay? What the hell just-"

"Shit. Shit shit shit- goddamn it!" Ed picked himself up off the table, angrily wiping peas and breadcrumbs out of his eyes with his shirtsleeve. Casting another irate glance at Alfons, who was standing guiltily beside the table, he pulled up his other sleeve slowly.

Metal had ripped through the fake flesh Edward wore on his arm, making it look like there was a sharp silver spike poking out of where his elbow should be. Even without the cover removed, Alfons could tell the arm was broken- probably beyond repair, by the looks of it. Ed had mentioned once how neither his prosthetic arm nor the leg could handle much weight without bending and breaking.

… Prosthetic arm and leg.

… Oh _shit_.

Alfons's eyes widened as he realized what he'd been saying to Ed that had made him so mad. Though Edward had yet to divulge exactly how he'd ended up with the futuristic-looking limbs, it didn't take a genius to figure out that the memory wasn't a pleasant one.

"Crap. Edward, I-"

"Save it. I gotta go see if I can fix this damn thing. Bastard's out of town and can't make a new one until he gets home." Ah, so his father was the one who made the prosthetics. Yet another reason Ed was so touchy about them. Cradling the broken arm, Ed attempted to also pick up his plate to put in the sink (he'd finally learned some manners and basic housekeeping rules) without much success.

"I'll do the dishes- just go figure out how to fix it." Ed flashed a grim but grateful look at his roommate.

"Thanks." He nudged the door to his bedroom with his foot, opening it enough to slip inside. With a sigh, Alfons collected the dishes and scraped them before putting them into the sink and running some water over them halfheartedly. How could he have been so stupid? After Edward had finally trusted him with the knowledge about the fake arms. The few times Alfons had gathered the courage to ask about the limbs, Ed had given a detail-lacking explanation about making a mistake and paying the price. And Alfons was joking about making the same sacrifice so he wouldn't have to work anymore? His own pettiness made Alfons feel sick to his stomach.

"Uh, Alfons?" He jolted out of his stupor to realize that the sink was still running and was that Ed who'd just called his name? He turned the faucet off quickly and walked over to Edward's half-shut door.

"Ed? Do you… um… need help with your arm?" Could he have said it any more awkwardly? Alfons couldn't blame himself for being timid, though, based on Edward's previous responses to similar offers. Ed didn't reply initially, but Alfons could hear the defeated sigh after a bit.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

**Suggestions? Requests? Ideas? Should I continue this? The feedback monster is hungry. Thanks for reading!**


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